Contentment over happiness

Lately I’ve been feeling sad. Uninspired. Tired. Who knew 26 would mark the beginning of a quarter life crisis! The past few months have been strange. I’m not sure what I want anymore. I know I can’t be the only one feeling this way so sound off in the comments if you feel me.

I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I’ve had two manic episodes over the past few months. The most recent one landed me in the hospital. I mention this because I believe in transparency. I don’t want my online presence to be a highlight reel. I think it’s important to be honest and share all parts of life. It’s so easy to feel alone. Like you’re the only one struggling. We put a lot of effort into hiding our struggles. Why? Why are we so embarrassed by not knowing how to navigate life sometimes! This shit is hard.

I’ve been thinking a lot about mental health and the stigma around it. I really don’t understand how we came to the conclusion that we should keep these particular struggles to ourselves. I’ve found a lot of peace in therapy and church. What do you do when you’re feeling sad?

Speaking of sadness, there has been a dark cloud over my city since the Tree of Life shooting a week ago. I haven’t said anything online about it. I haven’t known what to say. It makes me so sad that humans are capable of carrying such hatred. I pray that the survivors will be able to find comfort and peace in time.

I’m not sure where this blog is going. I organized a service opportunity to give back to my city and one person showed up. Maybe I’m trying to do too much to soon. It’s wild how easy it is to feel so discouraged by something you were once so excited about. There are a few people who might be shocked that I just said that. I’ve gotten some very kind feedback from the few who have taken the time to read this. I even had someone reach out for advice on their own blog. I had no idea what to say! I don’t even know how I’m writing the words you see before you. I’m just out here trying my best.

I guess that’s all we can do. My therapist challenged me to take things one day at a time. To wake up and be content in the fact that I’m healthy. That should be enough. Why do we make things so hard? I told her that I’m not even sure what I’m striving towards anymore. I’m always trying to get “there”. I don’t even know where “there” is! Slowing down is hard for me but I think it’s for the best.

If any of this resonated with you, let me know! Let’s help each other find contentment and peace.

5 thoughts on “Contentment over happiness

  1. Hi Linda! This is Katie Guarnaccia. Hey. I see you’ve been feeling sad and like you aren’t sure what you’re trying for at this point. Hey. I resonate with that. Hey you are brave and strong and just by being alive and having your experience you make a difference in the world. Have you heard of “Saturn return”? It’s a thing in astrology, near 26/27 years old, Saturn returns to the place it was when you were born and pretty much everyone STRUGGLES with this. That’s likely the source of the infamous “27 club” :/ Saturn return hits some harder than other, but it does hit hard. Hey. I’ve organized at least a dozen opportunities for Pittsburgh to come together to strengthen community over the last two years, and a handful of them had such little attendance that I totally know what you mean about becoming soooo disheartened about something that originally excited you so much! You know what, the fact that you organized it worthy and valuable and important, and the energy you put into showing you care honestly goes a long way. Whether you can physically see it or not, you showed the universe that you give a shit and that peace is what we are working towards! Thank you so much for organizing and for sharing your journey. Your story is important!!! Way to go every day!!! Every day that you are alive you make a difference, whether by self care or caring about others, or getting into the swing of self care and caring about others. It’s all about the ups and downs and we need it all to truly be alive.

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  2. I find that the more I struggle to be in a certain place, the more I feel like it isnt a good fit. I struggled my way through school for years, finally got a bachelor’s, then finally got 150 credits. Landed a job at a public accounting firm before I graduated with my bachelor’s even! All the time I spent working and going to school paid off. And I hate it. I hate what I do, and I hated it almost immediately. I find that the accounting environment is old, stiff, stuck up and it sucks. They want people who want to marry their job and never want to go home. That is NOT me. And I feel like it stifles my personality. And I’ve lived in upstate New York for 2 years – we came here for my husbands (eeek) job- and I still haven’t made any real friends. Work has always been the place where I’ve met my best friends and I barely have acquaintances. So now I’m even more introverted than I was before! I want to move back to pittsburgh -home but we have more moving for our jobs still. Currently I’m struggling to deal with having ADHD in a field that lives for fine details lol. On top of that, at the age when acne is supposed to be getting better – I have more acne now than I did in my teens.
    I’m glad you were brave enough to share, I also enjoyed your post. Know that no one has life figured out, and probably never will. And mental illness likely affects everyone to some degree at some point in our lives -i think growing through these experiences makes us better (:

    Your old classmate,
    Janice Noethiger (Curnow)

    Like

  3. Very proud of you speaking/writing how you’re feeling! I think it’s part of healing! Always remember I am here for you 24/7❤️Continuing praying for you. Love always Mom❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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