Lately I’ve been feeling sad. Uninspired. Tired. Who knew 26 would mark the beginning of a quarter life crisis! The past few months have been strange. I’m not sure what I want anymore. I know I can’t be the only one feeling this way so sound off in the comments if you feel me.
I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I’ve had two manic episodes over the past few months. The most recent one landed me in the hospital. I mention this because I believe in transparency. I don’t want my online presence to be a highlight reel. I think it’s important to be honest and share all parts of life. It’s so easy to feel alone. Like you’re the only one struggling. We put a lot of effort into hiding our struggles. Why? Why are we so embarrassed by not knowing how to navigate life sometimes! This shit is hard.
I’ve been thinking a lot about mental health and the stigma around it. I really don’t understand how we came to the conclusion that we should keep these particular struggles to ourselves. I’ve found a lot of peace in therapy and church. What do you do when you’re feeling sad?
Speaking of sadness, there has been a dark cloud over my city since the Tree of Life shooting a week ago. I haven’t said anything online about it. I haven’t known what to say. It makes me so sad that humans are capable of carrying such hatred. I pray that the survivors will be able to find comfort and peace in time.
I’m not sure where this blog is going. I organized a service opportunity to give back to my city and one person showed up. Maybe I’m trying to do too much to soon. It’s wild how easy it is to feel so discouraged by something you were once so excited about. There are a few people who might be shocked that I just said that. I’ve gotten some very kind feedback from the few who have taken the time to read this. I even had someone reach out for advice on their own blog. I had no idea what to say! I don’t even know how I’m writing the words you see before you. I’m just out here trying my best.
I guess that’s all we can do. My therapist challenged me to take things one day at a time. To wake up and be content in the fact that I’m healthy. That should be enough. Why do we make things so hard? I told her that I’m not even sure what I’m striving towards anymore. I’m always trying to get “there”. I don’t even know where “there” is! Slowing down is hard for me but I think it’s for the best.
If any of this resonated with you, let me know! Let’s help each other find contentment and peace.